Krelboyne Hell
by Matt Magnet
Summary: Ok, here ya go...............another MITM fic! I hope ya like it, and don't forget to review!
1. Default Chapter Title

Author's Note: When I read my reviews, I am commonly told that I leave some "loose ends". You know, that I leave some aspects of the story unfinished. I do this for a reason. I try to make my stories as much like the actual show as possible. And if you watch the show, you'll see that in every episode, things are left unfinished. You may not have noticed it before, but watch the show and you'll see exactly what I mean. You've been warned, so PLEASE stop giving me reviews saying that I left unfinished business. Use your imagination!

Krelboyne Hell Part 1

** **

Malcolm sighed as he walked towards the Krelboyne classroom. His teacher, Caroline, was on maternity leave, after giving birth in the parking lot of the school. Caroline would be gone for 2 more months. There was supposed to be one main substitute, but the poor subs found the pressure too much to handle. Each sub quit after a few days, the geniuses were too hard to teach. 

Malcolm found the string of substitutes annoying. He wished that one sub would actually stay for more than a week. It was too hard to keep adjusting to the different styles of teaching. Malcolm wondered what today's sub would be like.

When Malcolm entered the classroom, he found it in a state of utter chaos. Well, not utter chaos by normal standards. It was certainly chaos by Krelboyne standards, however. Seeing as how there was no teacher present, the Krelboynes were letting loose.

A group of Krelboynes was greedily stuffing their faces with candy. Not only were they eating candy before recess, but also they weren't using napkins. They felt like rebels. In a normal classroom, kids would be making paper airplanes and spitballs, and tossing them around the room. But not in this classroom. Here, another cluster of Krelboynes was making origami out of old homework. A few girls were drawing all over the dry erase board. Malcolm's friend Stevie was rummaging through Caroline's desk. Stevie made sure to make a mess out of the neat piles in the desk; piles which Caroline had spent many hours lovingly putting into perfect symmetry. 

Malcolm was shocked. He had never seen the Krelboynes act like this before. "What are you guys doing?"

"We're…………taking…………….ad…………….vantage…………………of the fact…………..that……………there's……………..no adult……………….supervision. We're………..taking………………a walk……………on……………the wild side," Stevie gasped slowly.

"You think _this_ is a walk on the wild side?" Malcolm was in disbelief. Although the Krelboynes had tried very hard to mess up the room, it was still cleaner than Malcolm's kitchen.

All of a sudden, the Krelboynes stopped whatever they were doing. This was because they had a voice. It was the voice of the principal, Mr. Goldman. Mr. Goldman was a short, fat, white haired man, a Santa Claus look a like. However, he was not so jolly as St. Nick. Mr. Goldman despised children. God only knows why he decided to become the principal of a school since he loathed kids so much. Probably because he loved bossing people around, and making people unhappy by giving them unmanageable workloads. 

"Good morning children," he hissed. 

"Good morning Mr. Goldman," the Krelboynes chorused.

"I see you have driven away another substitute. What do you have to say for yourselves?"

Silence. This simply made Mr. Goldman angrier. "Are you all mute? I thought this was supposed to be a class of geniuses. Obviously I was mistaken. I seem to have wandered into a kindergarten class."

No one spoke. Talking back to him would really make him unleash his wrath upon them. This was an unspoken rule that most of the kids knew about and tacitly followed. Stevie however, decided it would be best to ignore the rule.

"We're……………………sorry…………………..Mr.……………………..Goldman. We…………… didn't……………mean to. It's just that…………………the substitutes……………..don't…… like………….us. They………………..feel………………intimidated." 

"Oh, they feel intimidated, do they? Well the fun is over! The new substitute will not tolerate any of this - this nonsense!" Mr. Goldman sputtered.

"Who's………………..the new………………….sub?" asked Stevie.

"Children, I would like you to meet Mr. Varf," Mr. Goldman ushered in a tall, dark man.

"Mr. Barf!" Malcolm snickered to Stevie.

Mr. Varf grinned maliciously at Malcolm. He had the smile and cunning look of a wolf. "Playtime," he said, "is over. Welcome to my world."

Mr. Goldman smiled at the terrified kids, and exited the room, leaving the poor frightened Krelboynes to fend for themselves.


	2. Default Chapter

Krelboyne Hell Part 2

** **

Malcolm gulped loudly. The new substitute was obviously a psycho. There was definitely something evil about Mr. Varf. His smile was like that of an animal who was playing with it's pray before brutally murdering it. It was a game of cat and mouse, or in this case, cat and mice. The Krelboynes didn't stand a chance.

"First of all," Mr. Varf hissed, "My name is Mr. Varf. And if anyone else would care to make fun of it, then they shall have the misfortune of experiencing my wrath. Secondly, I will not be like your regular teacher, Carol, or whatever the hell her name is."

"It's Caroline," Lloyd spoke up defiantly. 

"You! Detention!" yelled Mr. Varf.

"Detention?! But I've never had detention before! It'll be a blemish on my perfect record!" Lloyd started hyperventilating.

"Well then let it be lesson to the rest of you scum sucking cretins. I mean business. Do not speak out of turn. Do not leave your seat without permission. I don't care if the building is burning down around you, you will stay in your seats until I give you permission to move. You may not leave this room while class is in session, I don't give a flying rats ass how bad you have to go to the bathroom. Go in your pants, for all I care. This is a place of learning. You are not here to have fun. Any questions?"

The Krelboynes silently shook their heads. They were very scared. To survive in this classroom, they must use mere instinct. For once, their brains would be of no use to them. It was obvious that Mr. Varf was not one to be outwitted. 

"Now, we are going to start the day off with French. Get out your books and open up to page cent-vignt-et-un," Mr. Varf said.

Stevie timidly raised his hand. Mr. Varf nodded at him. "We………….haven't…………..learned……………numbers………………above……fifty………………yet," he gasped.

"Talk normally!" commanded Mr. Varf.

"I………………….am!"

Malcolm raised his hand, and Mr. Varf gave him a nod. "Um, sir? Stevie has a speech impediment."

"Sure he does," Mr. Varf snorted. "That's the oldest excuse in the book. Now open your books to page 121! You there, read the vocabulary, and then the directions." Mr. Varf pointed at Malcolm.

Malcolm looked down at his French and began to read the terms aloud. "_Grand_ – big. _Petit – _small. _Beau _– handsome. _Belle _– beautiful. _Jolie_– pretty. _Jeune_ - young."

"Horrible pronunciation!" screamed Mr. Varf. "Lets see if you can the English directions any better."

"Name a celebrity that is either handsome or beautiful. Describe the celebrity in French," Malcolm muttered.

"You get to go first," said Mr. Varf to Malcolm, grinning like a madman.

"Jennifer Love Hewitt est tres belle-" Malcolm began.

Mr. Varf's eyes lit up. "Oui! Jennifer Love Hewitt est tres chaud!" The class burst out laughing. Mr. Varf looked around the room at them. "Why are you laughing? Doesn't 'chaud' mean hot?"

Dabney, another one of Malcolm's friends, timidly raised his hand. " 'Chaud' means hot when you're talking about the weather. But when you're talking about a person, it takes on a different meaning."

"Well, what's the meaning? Spit it out, boy!" Mr. Varf said.

"It means, um, well, it means that Jennifer Love Hewitt is like an animal in heat."

Mr. Varf blushed an unbecoming shade of red. _How dare they laugh at me!_ He thought. _I am in charge! I rule them! Stay cool; it's all right. _

"Do not talk back to me, you impudent fool! Go stand in the corner for the rest of the day!" 

Dabney unhappily marched over to the corner of the room. But Mr. Varf wasn't done humiliating him. Varf continued, "Do you think you're funny? Well? Answer me! I suppose your silence means that you do find yourself quite hilarious. In that case, I think that you should be able to look the part of the class jester."

In one swift movement, Varf ripped a sheet of paper out of Lloyd's binder and began rolling it into a long cone. He taped it together to make a hat. Grabbing Lloyd's pen as well, Mr. Varf swiftly wrote "DUNCE" on the hat, strode over to Dabney, and jammed the Dunce cap onto Dabney's head.

***

Somehow, most of the poor Krelboynes managed to make it through the day. A few of them had some minor mental breakdowns (Dabney sobbed in the corner, wearing the hat the entire day, and during lunch, Lloyd ran around the playground screeching, "It's the end! We're all gonna die! Somebody save us from Mr. Varf!"). 

After the last bell rang, Malcolm, Stevie, Lloyd, Dabney, and a small redhead known simply as Eraserhead gathered in a huddle in the playground.

"Something has to be done!" said Eraserhead.

"I agree completely. But what?" mused Lloyd.

"Well, I think that we should give him a taste of his own medicine. We should find a way to humiliate him so badly, that he won't be able to show his face around here ever again," Malcolm answered.

"But…………………..how………………………do we……………………humiliate…………………him?" asked Stevie.

"Well, we could look in his car and see if we find anything incriminating," Dabney suggested.

Malcolm smiled. "Great idea! Lets go!" 

Malcolm, Stevie, Lloyd, Dabney, and Eraserhead hung around the playground for a few minutes until they made sure that Mr. Varf wasn't going to come me out of the classroom. Ducking low behind the shrubbery, they snuck over to his car. 

"Oh………………….my…………………….God!" Stevie stuttered.

"What is it?" inquired Lloyd. Stevie pointed to an object in the backseat of the car.

"I don't believe it! That's the funniest thing I've ever seen! Too bad we can't get it." Malcolm sighed.

"Oh yeah? Mr. Varf isn't as bright as we anticipated. He left the car door unlocked." Eraserhead grinned as he opened the car door, reached inside, and pulled the incriminating object out.

Malcolm grabbed the object and stuck it into his backpack. He couldn't wait to show it to the rest of his classmates.

***

The next morning, Malcolm walked into the classroom with a smile on his face. Mr. Varf scowled as Malcolm raised his hands, but nevertheless gave him a nod.

"I have something I'd like to share with the class," began Malcolm, "I was walking home from school yesterday when I found an object that someone had carelessly tossed into the street. I picked it up and brought it to see if anyone here had lost it. Does this belong to anybody?"

The class giggled as Malcolm pulled a bedraggled stuffed lamb from out of his backpack. It was obviously much loved; the fur was very worn. Although the Krelboynes tried to stifle their laughter, they couldn't help it. The room exploded with the sound of it.

The color drained from Mr. Varf's face. "Mr. Snuggles!" He shrieked, rushing up and grabbing the stuffed animal from Malcolm's hands. "I found you! I missed you so much! You know I can't sleep without my Mr. Snuggles!"

Suddenly, Mr. Varf became aware that an entire classroom of children was staring at him. He looked around and whimpered. After a few minutes, Mr. Varf ran out of the room, Mr. Snuggles held tightly in his hand. 

Malcolm turned towards the rest of the Krelboynes. "Well guys, it looks like we've won." 

***

The next day, Mr. Goldman walked into the Krelboyne classroom. "Since you children managed to scare off Mr. Varf, I would like you to meet your new substitute, Mrs. Goober."

"Mrs. Goober?" they snickered. But the Krelboynes fell instantly silent when they saw her. Mrs. Goober was 6 feet tall. She was wearing a short dress that showed off her hairy arms and legs. "Her" neck was as thick as a tree trunk. A five o'clock shadow had already begun to on her face. 

"Hello children!" Mrs. Goober chortled cheerily. Her voice was deep and raspy.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" screamed the Krelboynes.

"Bye kids. Have fun with Mrs. Goober." Chuckling, Mr. Goldman left the room. _Well, _he thought to himself, _lets see them handle that._


End file.
